Hannah is on holiday with my mum in Rotorua at the moment so I can do some schoolwork for my looming deadlines and not-very-started research essays. I spent most of today thinking that I had to pick her up from somewhere, but I didn’t. She’s safe and sound with “Jen-Jen”. It does create massive identity crises for me when she goes away. I don’t quite know who I am without the little limpet attached to my leg, or needing feeding, or taking to the toilet (I’ve only had to toilet for one person for the last two days – it is VERY strange!), or putting to bed, or feeding… ya get where I’m going.
I’m getting better at letting go. Last time I was a mess. I felt so guilty having time away from Hannah. And it is a bit sad to say, but I think it’s a case of “I made my bed” sort of stuff. I mean, I got myself into motherhood… shouldn’t I have to deal with it for the rest of my life? Slowly learning that it is OK if I accept a little help, from Tobin, or Mum, or whoever. Learning that they enjoy looking after her so it’s OK for me to let go.
I do still miss her though. It’s not quite the burden I’ve just made it out to be. She is so much fun. Tonight on the phone I made the mistake of asking if she’d been brushing her teeth. Sometimes she gets quite excitable about dental hygiene, I’ve no idea where she gets it from! But anyway, she quickly informed me “I want to go now. I want to find my toothbrush. Bye!” (Very calm and matter-of-fact, but very certain that she was finished on the phone) and that was the end of that!
Here are a few photos of what she has been getting up to with Jen-Jen. I love technology. I don’t feel like I am missing out on much when I get emails laden with pics and pxts on my phone. Yay. Thanks maman!