Why I don’t follow patterns… and then why I should

You may have noticed the distinct lack of craftiness around here lately. Trust me, it’s not for lack of trying… just a lack of execution and general presentability (yeah, not a word. I know.) to the blog world.

1. So I offered my services to clothe the Devil Child for her girl of the flower variety duties at my sister’s wedding. I was really quite enthused about the dress creation business and drove excitedly to the Fabric Warehouse to get stretch satin… got terribly flustered at the thought of sewing stretch satin on my shite machine but opted for determination in the face of adversity… headed off to my worst nightmare Spotlight to peruse their collection of patterns, braved the queues and ended up with this:
Yay! Success! The pattern had all the elements I was looking for… a gathered skirt… a short bodicey bit… and EASY brandished across the front of the packet. I liiiike easy. Anyway, you’d think it’d all be downhill from here right? I mean nothing can get worse than Spotlight, which I survived. Turns out I neglected to consider that a) I wouldn’t have the first idea how to follow a damn sewing pattern and b) I forgot that I was meant to be using a pre-pleated chiffon over top of the satin.

So, considering the first stuff up… I open the packet and read the first instruction before totally freaking out and ringing Mum rambling on about lack of pattern following abilities and general uselessness and “how-the-heck-am-I-gonna-sew-this-for-the-wedding?” on repeat for about an hour. After recovering from my anxiety attack, I eventually figured out which pieces I was meant to be using *let’s all breathe a sigh of relief* and managed to cut out the fabric, completely forgetting which was meant to be lining and which fabric and completely to neglecting the pleated chiffon as mentioned above. Ending up with a gazintyzillion pattern pieces and no idea how to proceed. And that’s when I remember about the pleated chiffon. Freak out again. Try ringing Mum. (Can you see a pattern emerging here?) Only problem is that phone is in use. So I make an executive decision about the sewing of chiffon and instead of sewing in the pleats, decide that they’ll provide enough texture as is and sew it normally over top of the stretch satin on the bodice part. Breathe my own sigh of relief. Step back to admire my handiwork and it becomes glaringly obvious that I’ve sewn the bloody pleated chiffon on the wrong damn side and the overlocking is on the outside. Feck. So I spend the next 30 minutes unpicking one short silly seam. Damn the overlocker to hell. Ring Mum again to freak out. And that’s about where I left it. heh. And now I’ve decided to scrap the pattern altogether and sew how I usually do using the expert bird technique. Commonly known as “winging it”. Yuss.

2. My knitting disaster: Cuinn’s Nikau. Ginger, I’m so terribly sorry… this may take longer than expected.

I started out thinking “Pieces? Seaming? Whatever! This lazy clever knitter can do better than that! I’ll knit it in the round in one piece!” So I did all the necessary calculations and visualised it all going together and being the cutest thing out and easy peasy knit to boot and generally thought myself a knitting GENIUS. Turns out I was wrooooong. First of all, this dumb ass forgot the freaking motif that gives the damn jersey its name. But that was fine… I continued on. Apologised for my gumbiness and devised a clever plan to embellish in the post-knitting period. Which was great. Exciting even. But 68 rows of continuing on later… and lo’ and behold the damn jersey is big enough to fit me! I thought it was taking an age to get there. Turns out it was for a good damn reason. It’s giant. Soooo while Cuinn is turning into a little chubbo as fast as he can, I don’t think he’d fit the jersey I was coming up with any time in the next 10 years. Gah. So, I will frog. Which I am usually loathe to do… but I just can’t see a way forward from here and will have to revert to actually following directions. *faint*

And that’s where I’m at for crafting. Oh, except I’m also knitting my sister a garter for her wedding which is extremely slow because I have to be fed, rested and sane before I can attempt lace and then my goldfish memory makes it extremely hard to remember the lace pattern… or even use the damn diagram because I keep forgetting what all the little symbols mean. Man. I think I need a crafting break!

Geez… that was a whoooole lotta rambling.


3 thoughts on “Why I don’t follow patterns… and then why I should

  1. Patterns POO! Made one on the weekend that made me look size 20! My sympathy! Oh did you tell your Mum it was all her fault when you finally got hold of her? That’s what I would have done!


  2. egads nikki, your description in #1 is EXACTLY what goes on for me EVERY time i get all patterny. i am so much better at making things up myself.which is why i only sew things with straight seams lol X


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