How my orthodontist ruined my sister’s wedding

I had braces when I was 14. And I haven’t seen my orthodontist since I was about 18. But still. It was HIM. He ruined it. And he also broke my tooth.

So how? How can I attribute the demise of my sister’s big day to a man who straightened my teeth many years ago?

Well… I have a cold sore. THAT’S how. Mere weeks from the wedding. I mean, it might be fixed by then. But if it isn’t… and Jute’s maid of honour has a freaking cold sore on her wedding day. Oh, the HORROR.

I never had a cold sore before my braces. And then in the post-braces-tightening stress, one popped up. And I can’t say for suuuure that it was him. But he doesn’t wear gloves. And so, in the absence of having anyone else to blame (or the absence of desire to blame my boyfriend at the time), I blame him. But I can’t prove it. And on top of that, the root canal I had before Christmas is also his fault. This one sliiiightly more probable but also as difficult to prove. Damn it.

So anyway, I’m trying this new money sucking scheme product. It promises a lot.
Like relieves instantly. Check. (Well… a bit.) Heals faster. Ermm… can’t check that yet. And Invisible. Well… it looks invisible in the picture. Genius. Andddd as the ladies said when they were trying to sell them to this sucker me, “you can even wear lipstick!” And I thought “Wonderful! Lipstick!” forgetting that I don’t even wear damn lipstick.
But invisible?!?! I’m sorry. NO. Your stupid patch is not invisible. It looks like I’ve got a little sticky dot and placed it upon my lip. And that was after I screwed up the first two patches and they looked like little crumpled up sticky dots on my lip.

So now instead of people looking at my cold sore and being all “ew, she has a cold sore” they are sorta squinting at my lip going “hrmmm… what is that? there’s something stuck to her lip. *tilt head sideways, eyes firmly fixed on lip despite me trying to talk to them* OH GOD. It’s a cold sore. EW. And I’m staring! *quickly avert eyes*” It’s awkward for everyone.

I was also told that I could eat food easily. Again, I’m sorry. NO. Mashed potato was not a success for lunch as the little sticky sticker pulled up and seemed to adhere to the mashed potato. Bonus was that then the mashed potato acted as a glue when I pushed it back down to stick on my lip again.

Oh, and one more bloody thing. I spend the whole time trying to make sure the damn thing is attached by prodding with my tongue that I must look *just a tad* ridiculous.


P.S. Sorry about all the talk of cold sores. I know they are hideous. I’m hoping you’ll join me in directing your rage to my orthodontist. K thnx.


12 thoughts on “How my orthodontist ruined my sister’s wedding

  1. My sister wore one of those things to my other sisters wedding hehe. Let me know if you need to see a pic of the result – I purposely took a close up as she was doing the same tongue thing hehe


  2. heh, you know, i don’t think i noticed it at all until you brought it to my attention. and it’s not that bad. really. but i will blame the orthodontist with you.


  3. so – I went away for the netball trip and came back with herpes… Good story right? Soecially when you think about me being 6.5m pregnant!!!True though, my first cold sore cropped up when I went away for the netbal trip overnight stay, and came back the next day with this god almighty swollen nose. It was embarrassing. Couldn’t leave the house. Even the dr went ooooh.Turns out when I get them (the first ever was 2y ago) I get them inside my nose and on the tip. And they are ugly. You dont get spots to cover your nose.Count your lucky stars.It will be fine.And who gave me cold sores? It was probably your ortho, but I am still thinking about me. Poor me……. 😉


  4. If the vinegar isn’t working… Try Zovirax (or a cheaper equivalent if you can find one). I have a tube of similar stuff, and seriously, the sore goes away in less than a week, usually a couple of days. $20 or so might be a lot, but it’s worth it, and the tube usually has some left over to use in the next emergency.


  5. I’m getting a little more used to the sticky things. Latest application wasn’t so bad. Pity they cost about $1.50 per freaking sticker!!And Fi, weeeee. My ortho is a bastard no? How dare he do that to you??? And all I can say is that people better keep ya in low stress mode all the time as that doesn’t sound like fun at all!! xo


  6. I get cold sores…though haven’t had one recently. My stress now manifess itself in eczema. Yay. But what I found worked the best in the end was just using my normal lipbalm obsessively! (Chapstick strawberry). I think zovairax is good though, but doesn’t seem to work as effectively for me anymore. The real trick with zovairax is to hit it before you can see it, in that 2 hour tingly window!


  7. Oh you poor thing. I get one at least every 6 weeks. When I am really run down, I get them every month along with you know who. Suffice to say I am now immune to all the little expensive tubes of gold sold by the chemist, and the only thing that works for me is <>Blistex lip ointment<> … (not the gloss). Comes in a little tube, and if I use it regularly as lip-gloss it helps prevent them too. Best thing of all, I can buy it at the supermarket.


  8. To all you cold sore sufferers – a solution. I used to get cold sores every 4-6 weeks, now I get maybe 3 a year. For the last 8 years or so I have taken L-lysine tablets every day. You can buy them at the chemist or health food shop and they are quite cheap (some formulae have zinc or Vit C – personally I have found this has no extra benefit).


  9. Or another solution is herp-ease stuff sold at commonsense organics works better that zovirax for me now days.The first time I got it I was heavily preg with L and J grabbed it off me to hurry us out the door as he was at the counter I thought very immaturely teehee they prob think he has other herpes coz he has no visible ones then I realised I was obviously ‘with him’ and went DOH! oh well at least I have visible evidence we are talking herpes simplex people!Boo hiss to the orthodontist grrrrr!But seriously no gloves ewwwww gross!


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