Mother trucking slugs and snails

Well, slugs and snails is what I’ll start with… no bloody idea where I’ll end up in this post as it has been a while. It’s like a really fun game. Except more rambly and boring. So less fun. And gamey.

Anywayyyy… so I lovingly planted out a vegetable garden made with supplies unceremoniously nicked from the abandoned building materials around our neighbourhood. Little tiny plants nurtured from seeds: beans, peas, tomatoes, zuchini, silverbeet, and capsicum. They enjoyed their newfound home for a few days until one by one the poor little seedlings started disappearing. Like, I mean, I knew I’d planted 6 zuchini plants. I raised that shit by hand so I freaking knew there were 6. Then I head out to water them and there is a whole plant just gone. GONE. A tiny little stalk sticking out of the earth but that’s it. Decimated.

Apparently we have the whole of Auckland’s population of slugs and snails living in our garden. Then they’ve all told their mates from Hamilton who have been all “Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet. I’ma get me some of that leafy goodness.” And so they’ve all come and have been taking out a plant per night, hoping that I wouldn’t notice. But I’m way to enamoured with my little plants to not see that they were vanishing. Little pangs to my heart alerted me to it. So I’m all “NOOOOOOOOOO! Feck offfffff evil slugs and snails!” Quite an ineffective method of getting rid of slugs and snails, might I add.

Now I’m on a rampage. Well. I talk about being on a rampage a lot. I’ve yet to go all kung fu on their asses. In actual fact, I saw a giant slug sliming its way up the wall outside our laundry last night and all I really did was shudder a bit and then run away. Also quite ineffective at slug and snail extermination, just so ya know.

What I have actually done is completely abandon all hope of a nice, organic, nasty-stuff-free garden and threw a million tonnes of slug killer pellety things all over the garden. It said not to put it anywhere near the edible part of your plants but I decided I’d be way happier dying of slug poison knowing that I probably took some of those bastards with me, rather than dying of potential slug-slime contamination and knowing they’d got the better of me. Except that I really couldn’t die of slug slime contamination considering they’d have eaten all my damn plants! But I could potentially die from the plants allowing them to grow to super size and then invading my house and eating me. It’s possible.

At last count I was down 2 pea plant, 1 bean plant, 6 tomato plants, 1.5 zuchini plants, and my silverbeet is looking suspiciously chomped-on. Tonight I am forgoing sleep so I can sit out there with a torch and mallet and show those mother trucking slugs and snails who’s boss.

Oooo. Look. I stayed on topic. I’ll be back to bore you to death with more rambling tomorrow. And maybe some pictures of severely squashed slugs and snails, all things going to plan.