Vegetable vampires

Woah. I’ve so been watching a bit too much vampire related madness. Is it just me, or are vampires bloody everywhere at the moment? I’ve somehow been sucked in to True Blood. Well, watching True Blood anyway, I really need to get the book out now I’ve caught up on the TV series. BTW True Blood theme song is the coolest song EVER. I love it. Hrmmm… must remember to google. Oh, and most hilarious group on facebook at present “You’re not a vampire, you’re a sparkly douchebag in a tree.” ha. Take that Edward.

Now, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. Vampires. But vegetable versions. These little bastards suck the life out of the fruit and vegetables that are growing so promisingly in your garden. Or my garden, as the case may be.

I went out last week and found a brilliant beefsteak tomato growing on one of my tomato plants (and a trillion other flowers ready to start in on the growing action) which I was well excited about. But then I looked underneath and there were a trillion black bug things happily clinging on to MY FRICKING TOMATO. Man alive, I was angry. Then I noticed that my zucchini, of which I thought I was going to have enough to feed a small country, had shrivelled considerably and turned yellow. Grrr. Not a happy Nikki.

So I did a little googling on these evil vampire bugs and found that apparently they are named “Green Vegetable Bugs” which is kinda misleading as the ones I found were black with little white and red spots and stripes and shiz. V. unimpressed. Anyway, turns out that the name is perhaps related to the fact that when you squish the little bastards they squirt out a very weird fluorescent green goop. Luckily I paid attention enough to the internets to know that it freaking reeks and stains hands/clothes/tongues when it comes into contact with them so I refrained from licking wore gloves.

After my vampire bug killing spree (squished about 20 of the feckers), they started getting a little smart and hiding, so I trundled off to Mitre 10 mega to spend a trillion dollars on pyrethrin and spray packs and evil-vegetable-vampire-bug killing devices. I now have no money for food, but it was totally worth it. [Don’t worry, pay day tomorrow.]

Woah. Has anyone else realised that I have a real thing against bugs at the moment? First the ants tried to poison me, then I was hit with the slug and snail plague, and now the damn vegetable vampires. Honestly!

Woah. Have you also noticed that I managed to write this post with only one exclamation mark? After my last post hideously peppered with excessive amounts of exclaiming, I decided that exlamation marks are soooo 2009. I refuse to use them now. Except when I actually exclaim. Yuhuh.


So I’m totally gonna kick the asses of these vegetable vampire bugs and actually grow some edible vegetables. I did not wage the war against the snails and win, just to have some evil little black bugs come and take my home grown vegetable dream away from me. No freaking way.

That’s all.


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