Douche spotting

I drafted this post back in March and forgot about it… but in the wake of this gem, I thought I’d finish it off.

The train is my mode of transport to get to and from work these days. It makes for excellent people watching. I often tweet about it. Like the smiley guy that gets on the train in business attire (I’m talking long sleeved shirt tucked into dress pants) and… bare feet. I’ve seen him multiple times now. Each time sans shoes. Where are his shoes?, I tweet. Then he sits down and pulls out a tablet and I freak the heck out that he might be on twitter and we possibly follow each other. AHHH. He’s one of my fave train regulars.

Then there was the other time that I learned a lot about receiving stolen goods from a guy who was detailing the sale of a laptop he’d acquired. Apparently you can pick up stolen laptops pretty cheap these days. Ask around for Marcus.

Every now and again, you come across a real gem of a conversation that lasts the full duration of your train ride (of 45 minutes). Especially awesome if the conversation is blatant flirting between an Israeli(?) woman and a blonde Bogan type who both go to university together. And how can you witness this awkwardness and not want to share it with the world? You can’t. So share it I did…

The conversation started with banter about his non-attendance at a group drinking session. She started giving him shit about it. He objected to her being the one hassling him and declared that he was the only one allowed to make fun of people.

In a slightly bitter tone. (Excuse shit spelling.) I don’t know if I like where this is going.
He seemed vaguely promising at this point. I wondered if I had got him all wrong.
And then, while expressing his opinion (disgusted) of the drinking venue (a gay bar) as mentioned above (the reason for his non-attendance), very much not promising.
So pleased he knows All The Things about All The Women. And, protip: if you have to say “Oh, no, I might offend you.” chances are you’re gonna say something that labels you as a complete ass.
She lets him get away with being an asshole. Well. *I’m* still offended.
He started digging and then it just kept getting worse. STOP THE TALKING AND THE MOVING THE MOUTH.
But he doesn’t. And we move on to a discussion of his hot, hot bod.
And more on his hot, hot bod.
Some on SBW’s no-so-hot, hot bod.
For someone who claims to be so well read, expressing an awful lot of bullshit.
Thank fuck the woman has half a clue. Calls him on his shit and shows significant knowledge about sports physiology. More than ex-wrestler who once had a 6 pack.
He keeps on digging.
And sounding douchier and douchier.
It was a natural follow on from the hot, hot bod references.
He didn’t actually say anything about catching The Gay. I made that bit up. BUT HE MAY AS WELL HAVE.
Dude. You’ve got no game.
I’ve seen the woman again but haven’t been lucky enough to see my bogan friend. So sad.
Ah Auckland trains. How I love thee.

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